What If? - The Possibilities Are Endless

by Amy McNaughton

As I step into this coming New Year, I know that it will be the beginning of many changes in my life because of choices that I have recently made and others which I’m about to make. I will be leaving my job of over 15 years to step into creating my own business – one that is mine and through which I am molding myself. I am giving birth to my own creation and for me, that’s a little bit scary.

I began with a few simple changes back in the fall of 2003 when I started studying to be a Nutritional Consultant; and then in the late fall of 2005, I started my studies to do Bio-Energetic Testing and was working for someone else. In June 2006, I became a RNCP (Registered Nutritional Consulting Practitioner). I purchased the Bio-Energetic Testing service Omega Testing at the beginning of December 2006 which meant that it was now mine to do with as I wanted. Although I felt like I had accomplished something, I knew that there was something more out there for me - something much bigger - which I knew that I needed to sink my teeth into. The search was on!

In the fall of 2006, I took a course through the WEL-Systems® Institute which has become not only the biggest investment for my business but also the biggest investment in my life. What I have discovered through this experience is that somewhere along the way, I lost myself and was living a life that wasn’t meaningful to me. What I know now is that the coming year is about to unfold in a way that it has never before unfolded in my life: MY WAY! This will be no small feat.

So, my resolution starting today and for the rest of my life is to start living my life to the fullest capability and to STOP living my life for every one else. Why should I live my life for others when they already have lives of their own? This is going to be the hardest thing that I’ve ever done! And I can tell you that energy is moving through my body right now and the tears are flowing. I’m trying hard not to hold my breath because I know very well if I hold my breath I won’t create the space in me that I need to become the bigger and – yes! - better me. I say better because I’ve never lived my life for myself and this will be a first for me. I’m very scared.

I’m going to expose myself to the world for everyone one to see for the very first time and the thought has me shaking in my boots. Am I capable of actually being my Authentic Self? I’ve lived for so many years being someone else that I don’t really know who I am anymore. Years of hiding behind work, family, my husband and then my daughter. It was all good back then but I wasn’t allowing myself to be me. I’ve created my own excuses so I didn’t have to step up to the plate.

I remember listening to a friend of mine talk about the birth of her son. It hit me like a lead pipe. I felt so consumed by her story and kept thinking back to my own daughter and how she fills my life so much… and then the flood light went on. I allowed myself to become Meagan’s mother. I allowed myself to be consumed by the whole idea and wonderful feeling that it brought me. I have been hiding behind this wonderful little being who doesn’t need anyone hiding behind her. I became and still am up to this point Meagan’s Mother and lost myself. Do I do the same to her by having or “letting” her become Amy’s daughter; and assisting her at losing herself and her own identity? Or do I show her the way to stay her Authentic Self so she may become the powerful woman that I already know that she is at the age of 10?

My tears have stopped and now the information flows. It is amazing what happens when I take a word like emotion and change it to energy or information. It allows me to step out of my body, look at what’s actually going on and then process the information that I received without getting caught up in the flood of judgments that would be attached to a “therapy” model. (Something I learned from the WEL-Systems approach and very valuable, to say the least!) It has taken me a while to realize that I haven’t been living my life for myself and now that I know this, I’m hoping with all my heart that I don’t ever let someone make decisions about my life again.

So, who will I be today? I’m not 100% sure but I can tell you who I won’t be. I won’t be my husband’s wife, Meagan’s mother, my mother’s daughter or any of my family’s, sister. I will be ME and no one else. I will not be Amy (the person that I used to refer to in the 3rd person because she got sucked up into the black hole of life and I let it happen to her). I, on the other hand, am strong; and do in fact have a mind of my own and will use it to make the choices that I choose to make even if I don’t make any at all… because it’s my choice.

I won’t be making any New Year’s Resolution this year like I have in the past. You know, the usual things like ‘I’m going to start exercising more often, go to the gym, lose weight’ and all those other things that we never find time to do and end up “breaking”, anyway. It’s time for me to take a look inside myself and make a new discovery; find out who I am. I believe that when I am able to be true to myself, I will be able to be true to others.

In the past, I’ve put the blame on others, felt sorry for myself but not once did I ever claim responsibility for the outcome. If I did that, then I’d have to admit that just maybe I made the wrong choices. Whether work, family (that one sends shivers down my spine!) or my personal life, I’ll just say thank-you for what I’ve done with it. I thank myself more often now because making the choices that I did in the past have made me realize that I won’t be making those same choices anymore.

Once I made the decision to change and rearrange my life, I got some really interesting looks from people; from husband, my daughter, my family and clients. Some have welcomed the change, some have shunned it and some think I’m just damn right out of my mind… that I’ve lost it! Some even think I’ve joined a cult. (That one makes me laugh! Don’t be too happy or someone will think that there’s something wrong with you!) Something that I now share with most people that I meet because it makes them stop and smile and not worry about what other people have to say is: Your opinion of me is none of my business! A friend of mine says “Opinions are like belly buttons - everyone has one… and yours belongs to you and mine belongs to me.” So when it comes to something like an opinion, yours reveals stuff about you and mine reveals stuff about me. It doesn’t mean I should change anything about who I am.

So today and from this day forward, I will:

• Stop living my life the way other people think I should. 

• Stop worrying about other people’s opinion. 

• Be honest and true with myself and everyone around me. If I don’t like something, then I’ll be honest and not worry about “hurting” someone’s feelings because what I know is when they find out that I’ve lied, that’s what really hurts. 

• Stop apologizing for being me. I refuse to “pretend” to be someone that I’m not. 

• Stop taking things personally. 

• Start being good to me. Take time to read, walk, soak in the tub… whatever suits me at the time. 

• Have intelligent conversations with myself. (Not, “I can’t believe I was so stupid.” Or anything else along those lines.) 

• Just be myself and then the rest will all fall into place (and I’ll be much happier and will rest well at night). 

• Don’t worry about how others perceive the changes in me. Some people will be in my life for a long time and others may not. But I won’t be hurt because being true to myself is more important than anything else. 

In my life, I have worried so often about what other people think of me that I managed to forget who I was. I’ve pretended for too long. I hear people “bickering” and it drives me nuts now because I’m thinking, “If your life is so bad then make some different choices to improve it.” The answers lie within. I can’t change others but I can make choices, which will change not only my life but also the people around me. What I’ve discovered is that since I’ve changed, I’m a lot happier and my whole family, (my husband and daughter) are also reaping the benefits. It’s just a happier place.

Have a Happy New Year and a Happy New Life! Live it to the fullest and enjoy everyday of it. Be true to you and the rest will take care of itself.

Amy McNaughton - Registered Nutritional Consulting Practitioner, Registered Sports Nutrition Advisor, Reiki Master and WEL-Systems® Facilitator - is a Health and Wellness Coach living in the Halifax (Nova Scotia) area. Passionate about her life and yours, Amy engages with family, friends and clients for the same end: to free themselves of self-imposed limitations and discover how to reclaim a meaningful life. A writer and an artist, Amy’s compassion and her desire to create are the driving forces in her own life and in her work with others. For more information, you can contact her directly at aim@ns.sympatico.ca

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As this is my first day at writing a blog, I really thought about what it was that I wanted to write. So here I go.  I want to share something that happened a couple of days ago with my daughter.  She came home from school totally upset and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to share with me what had happened.  I reasured her that she wouldn’t have to worry about me screaming and yelling at her, no matter what had happened.  (I find this to be very important).  Although I needed to remind her a couple of times that I wouldn’t react in a way that would be distasteful, she still hesitated.  I also told her that because I wasn’t going to react, it didn’t mean that I would say that I agreed with what happened, it just meant that I would listen without passing judgement.  So finally she told me what happened.  I was a little surprised and deep down inside although I wasn’t impressed, I chose not to react but instead talked to her about it.  I didn’t need to do any serious disaplining because Lord knows at the school they would have taken care of that.  And she was the one who had to fess up to what it was that happened.  That was more than enough for me.  Owning up to something that you know that you did is wrong, is one of the hardest things a person can do.  That’s whether you’re an adult or a child. 

We want so much for our children to be open and honest with us but do we create an environment which is actually safe and non judgemental for them to actually be honest.  I think about when I was a child and let me tell you, it was just easier and safer to lie.  But this is not what I want for my child.  I don’t have to like or agree with what happened but it’s so important that I listen.  I know that by responding to her in this way, I have opened a door to her so that she can come to me with anything and know that I will listen and as equally important, not judge her for her behaviour.  I know that the past couple of days have been a learning experience not only for her but myself included.  This is a new approach for me and one that I must say is a nice change.  Instead of reacting without thinking, I took my time to listen and then took the time to talk in an intelligent manner.  Children aren’t stupid yet we sometimes tend to talk down to them.  My fear is that if I talk down to my daughter, she will lower her way of thinking and may possibly think less of herself.  This is something that I will not be responsible for.  She is an intelligent young lady and I’ll treat her as such.  Maybe she’ll grow up and simply find that honesty works for everything, whereas I often felt that lying was the only solution.  I feel that I need to give her choices to make to help her grow as an individual, not critisize and judge her.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?  What I can tell you is what it won’t bring.  Me not listening as a parent or judging the child that I chose to bring into this world.

It’s time now to stop and realize how much my daughter and I (both) have grown as individuals over the past couple of days.

Well this is the title of an incredible book that I read not that long ago but now it has meaning to it that it didn’t have before.  For a while now I’ve been wondering what my dead horse was but just the other day, it became quite clear to me.
 
A year ago I took a leave of absence from my job so that I could finish my studies as a nutritionist and spend more time with my daughter because my husband was going to be gone for over 6 months.  When I started the leave, it felt good but what I noticed after a few months was…it felt right.  I couldn’t explain the difference at that point but I did know something had changed.  Stepping away from the “daily grind” and getting a new perspective on what my life could be was a real eye opener.  Getting up in the morning wasn’t painful, lunch came and I didn’t start counting the hours till I left work and the end of the day wasn’t stressful because I didn’t feel rushed.  All this really got me thinking that there was a lot more to my life but didn’t realize it till I stepped out of the box.  I laugh now when I think of, “Thinking outside of the box.” J Well at least they’re admitting that they’re keeping us “boxed” in.  But what I came to realize was that I no longer wanted to be boxed in.  So January 31^st, 2006 I took a one-year leave to see what it was that was missing in my life.  Boy was I ever surprised when I realized I didn’t even have a life and that what I was missing was…me.  I had a 9-5 job, went through the motions of the day but never really “being” part of anything, not even my home life.
The good news is, on January 31^st 2007, I quit my job to start new beginnings for myself.
Last Wednesday was an incredible day.  It not only felt good, it felt right.  I remember that when my husband and daughter came home from work/school, that it felt like something had shifted in the whole house.  Being naive, I assumed that it was simply because they both had good days.  Then the next day came.  Same thing, everybody relaxed and having a good time.  No tension anywhere, no complaining about the day or anyone at work, just a great day.  O.K.  So I think once again, maybe they simple had a good day or wait a minute…maybe they’ve changed.  Many things crossed my mind until I was walking through my living room and spied my favorite book and started to laugh.
It wasn’t because everyone had a great day outside of the house or that they had changed, it was that I had changed because I stopped dragging my dead horse around. 
The bank has been dead for a while and it took me a while to realize that it was killing me in the process.  If you’re in a job and are just going through the motions, I suggest that you get off of your dead horse and stop dragging it around.
Something magical happens and your whole life will shift.  I woke up in the morning and realized that I didn’t have to have anymore “performance” reviews that someone could tell me how to “perform.”  I no longer have someone say, “Ya know Amy, it’s a noble thought, but not everyone thinks like you do so…this won’t work.” Or how about,
”Your efforts are admirable, but.”
 
O.K.  That was then and this is now and let me tell you that there’s no going back for me.  Further more, why have a horse when I live in the city?  That was my first mistake. J
You see, life will now have meaning to me because the choices I make are for me so I’m not out to make a choice that will please anyone else but myself.  Are you living your life in a way that is meaningful to you?  Not, are you living up to other people’s expectations of who it is that they think you should be.  No more status quo.
As in Diana Ross’s song, “It’s my turn to see what I can see, I hope you’ll understand, that this time, “it’s for me.”
 
Time now to pause and ponder…what if?

     As I stop and ponder over an email I received this evening, I’m reminded yet again how easily I have put faith in others and asked their opinion only because I didn’t have enough faith/trust in myself.
Now that I have changed my way of thinking it amazes me how easily I gave my power to so many and sat back and couldn’t understand for the life of me why I always felt so weak and insignificant.
I think back to a time not all that long ago when I was told that I was doing too much and that I was going to get over exhausted and run down.  Well the first few times I heard it, it didn’t really fizz on me.  However, I came to the conclusion that the individuals continually telling me this over and over again, were more experienced than I was and certainly knew a lot more than I.  Interesting isn’t it?  I believed that someone knew more about my own body than I did.  I was feeling great but the more and more I heard these words, I started to believe it and guess what?  I became ill.
Thankfully I was getting tire of the whole “feeling” sick thing that was going on and decided that I had had enough.  Miraculously, I started feeling great.  Why?  Because I started to put faith in myself, and trusting that my body was capable of letting me know how it felt.

 When I think of the health issues that I’ve had recently and even those as a child, I know that I am in the right profession to make a difference.  In a perfect world (I) we’d all have great faith, trust and total belief in ourselves but it’s not perfect (in my opinion) but that’s o.k., cause I still have lots to learn and even if I help just one person at a time, then that’s o.k. too.
Since I’ve started to believe more in myself than others, wonderful things have been happening in my life.  Some which I can point out right away and others I just simply feel.  I used to always believe that I needed to know how or why something was so, but now I’m happy to accept that it “just is,” sometimes, without knowing why.
 
Now it’s time again to take a deep breath and ponder…what if?

February 13, 2007

     I find myself almost in a state of confusion over the past couple of weeks since I left my job of 15 years.     Interesting enough, after reading a book was all it took for me to find the courage to consider leaving, a possibility for me.

Over the past few weeks, a lot has been going on in my life. What really comes up, is how well do I know the people that I know? Whether it’s family, friends or acquaintances, I wonder how well do I know them…really know them?