As you are reading this I want you to just pause for a moment and take a deep, slow breath. In for 4, out for 8. And again. One more time. Everything is ok. It is always ok. It always will be ok. It’s just we tend to forget that everything is ok in the midst of running around trying to fit everything in that we think is so important. Even as we are doing things our minds are already onto the next thing, or dwelling on past events; worry, panic, fear ensues. Or sometimes we are just running through the endless lists of things we must do.
In today’s hectic world keeping up with everything can sometimes be too much. And we forget to breathe. Its takes a few precious seconds, to just bring us down a level. But we get caught up and forget. Life can seem sometimes like an endless whirlwind of activity, always doing something. And if we are not doing something we feel guilty about it. It’s ok. It’s ok to just be for a minute. Push that guilt aside and allow yourself to just be. Stare into space, sit on a bench, drink a tea, lie on your bed; not watching telly or reading or talking or listening, just being. It is here we will find our breath. Here we will find peace. Here we will discover a little bit of ourselves again. The human being, rather than the human doing.
Breathe, slow down and start letting things slide; say no to that social event, do that paperwork tomorrow. The world will not stop if you take some time for you. In fact it will seem even more alive, for you are life and this gift of time has been given to you. Don’t waste it. See everything around you, hear everything around you, appreciate where you are. You only live once, don’t let it fly past you.
all live in our heads, each one of us. And the space in there is
different for everyone. Few may have a clean and tidy head space,
with things neatly tucked away for possible use at a later date,
leaving a nice tidy space to entertain in the moment. This is not the
case for the majority of us. With mental health becoming a rising
issue and many people suffering from anxiety, depression, and stress,
our head space is often unkept and allowed to run wild. Rarely do we
venture inside to have a tidy up and
a clear out.
of mental health is thankfully growing, and we are beginning to see
the vital importance of maintaining that space in our heads; we are
also hopefully coming to the realisation that we are the only ones
who hold the key to access that space, so the responsibility for
keeping it clear
lies with us.
We all know how it feels, or have hopefully at least had a glimpse of, when you are in a good head space. We feel good, we get up in the morning ready to go, we interact with people, we are present, we often have a routine we enjoy and we feel useful and content with life. But things happen to pull us out of that space. An illness, a hangover, an argument; these things along with many others, can make us question things, ourselves most of all, and create a negative internal dialogue that quite frankly makes us feel like crap. Along with the crappy feelings these things all lower the immune system and use up energy, and can instantly pull us out of our good space and make us want to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world, and whatever is going on inside our head. We don’t want to deal with it. We just want it to go away. So what do we do to try to make that happen? We procrastinate. Just like cleaning the house (something I always dread!) we put it off and decide that we just have more important things to do than to focus on cleaning ourselves up. Instead of focusing on our head space we distract ourselves with people, activities and alter our state of mind with alcohol or drugs. Then we can focus on that instead of what’s really going on in our head space.
what happens when you neglect the tidying and cleaning? After a while
it can build up so much that you can’t function; you can’t use
the kitchen because of all the dirty dishes; you can’t use the
shower because its black and smells; you can’t
open the bedroom door because of the huge pile of clothes behind it.
The same thing happens inside your head. Your thoughts are the mess.
And if you don’t tidy them up and
clear them out,
they can overrun the
how do we go about cleaning and tidying up our head
First things first – stop ignoring the mess. Look at it,
acknowledge it is there. Be aware of your thoughts and what is going
on inside your head. Ask yourself, what
thoughts are in here? Is
this a good space? Is it a space I want to live in?
– get stuck in. You
need to get inside there and start deciding which thoughts serve you
and make you feel good; you may want to keep these, put them into the
back and pull them out at a later date (eg. ‘you did that well, I’m
proud of you’ or ‘you can do it’ or ‘you deserve better’ or
‘stop worrying, it’s all ok’); and which ones you can chuck
out, the ones that make you feel crap (eg. ‘you’re useless’ or
‘how could you ever think you could do that’ or ‘you don’t
deserve it’ or ‘you will never be good enough’ or ‘it’s
terrible, I can’t cope’). The great thing is that YOU get to
decide which to keep and which to throw out.
There are many things that can help you gain access to the space inside your head. This can be in the form of yoga, meditation, a walk in nature or simply just ‘being’. Sitting on a park bench for example, not reading or looking at your phone but just being there. Anything that allows you to actually take a look inside your head without external distractions. You need to actually open the door and walk in; go inside and try to focus on what’s happening in there and not be distracted with what’s going on outside. The important thing is you must do it on your own. No one can help you in there. No one can clean the house whilst entertaining guests. It’s something that has to be done alone before the guests arrive, only then you are you ready to entertain them.
you are not used to this it will be hard at first, it may feel scary,
depending on what monsters are lurking in that space. You may feel
uncomfortable at taking a real look at what is inside. But here’s
the thing; running away does not get rid of the monster; hiding
does not get rid of the monster;
it does not get rid of the monster. The
monster will stay and feed on the mess. The only way to really get it
out is to face
it, fight it and destroy it.
This is why for some it is much harder and will take much longer than
others. We all have our own monsters
in there and it’s different for each of us so the time it takes to
clean that space up will vary, there is no right or wrong, good or
bad way to do it. You just have to get in there, overcome the fear of
what you see (feel) and get to work.
It is also vitally important to recognise the space in which you need to do the tidying. You can’t tidy up when you are partying, when you are sick, stressed or distracting yourself with other things. You must have free time when you are not doing anything and you are feeling refreshed and ready to do it. Stress, sickness, alcohol, drugs and socialising, are all things that can lower the immune system and use up energy. So if your energy is going into these, you have none left to clean up. It’s already being used for something else. So its important to prepare a day to clean. You know you’re having a dinner party Saturday night? You make sure you leave Saturday free to prepare, go shopping, prepare the food and clean the house. It’s the same for your head. You need some time to prepare before you go inside; don’t be hungover, don’t do it when you’re feeling stressed or you’re ill and don’t socialise. Leave aside a block of time to focus just on you and your head space. This is important, or you just won’t be able to see the results.
all live inside our heads so the space in which we live and are
consequently making decisions from has to be a good one or we just
won’t get as much out of this life as we could have. It’s work,
it’s hard, but it’s totally worth it. Your head space is just
that: YOURS. It’s yours to do what you like with.
know that you have a lot to offer. You have something to offer the
world. You affect the people around you. So don’t sell yourself
short and think that you don’t have anything to offer or that you
can’t make a difference. You can. You do. Even if you make a
difference to one person, that matters. If we all made a difference
to one person, even if that person is ourselves, imagine how the
world could be? What goes on inside your head matters. It affects you
and it affects those around you. You have a responsibility to
yourself and to others to make sure it’s a good space. We are all
in it together, we all find it hard, we all struggle. Take a look
inside and see what you can do. You matter in this world. Your
actions matter and your thoughts matter. Give yourselves the love,
time and forgiveness you deserve. One head at a time, WE CAN all get
into a good head space. Let’s begin, and let’s help ourselves and
others to get cleaning up.
you positive and encouraging thoughts into your head space.
and growing is a natural occurrence in all aspects of life. Plants do
it, animals do it, even rocks do it. If you live on earth, or in-fact
anywhere in the universe, you can’t avoid change. It will
inevitably happen at some point.
try to outwit
it or fighting against it. It
can be scary; it is the unknown and so often
sooner or later it will catch up with you and if
you resist it you
may be left feeling stressed,
helpless and exhausted,
like fighting against the incoming tide. Best
to just go with it.
We come into this world and change begins the moment that egg is fertilised. We grow inside our mother’s bellies, then as babies into toddlers, toddlers into children, children into teenagers and teenagers into adults. Then there seems to be a gap before we physically morph into old age. And nowadays we seem to do everything in our power to prevent that from happening. What many of us forget is that the change that takes place from birth to adulthood is not simply a physical one. We are in a constant state of change as we learn new things daily, growing and changing not only our bodies but our minds and souls too. This is something we don’t really reflect upon when we become an adult and our bodies stop changing so much. Change still comes for us, whether we want it or not.
But not only is change inevitable, it is desired, as with change can come growth. What is the difference between change and growth? By definition change is to alter or become different. Growth is the process of increasing. Not all change is growth but growth cannot happen without change. As the great Albert Einstein said ‘Growth should begin at birth and cease only at death’.
things we learn in adulthood are designed to help us change and grow.
This is imperative. If we do not change and grow we become stagnant,
like a pond slowly filling with algae, our bodies, minds and souls
become motionless, and that is never a good thing. Imagine a body
that doesn’t move, only sits all day, no exercise, no movement –
it becomes stiff and sore. The same thing happens to our minds and
our souls. If we do not keep exercising them they can seize up and
become stale. We want to be like a river, always moving and
constantly being filled with new fresh water.
our bodies this fresh water is in the form of diet,
and movement. Our bodies can do amazing things; we only need look at
athletes and fitness
Look at the evolution and growth of our human bodies over time, what
we can do with them now that we couldn’t do a hundred years ago,
even fifty years ago. We have changed and forged them, as we grow and
learn more about diet and fitness we know we can sculpt our bodies
how we like. We have power over them to choose how we want them to
be. It is a choice each of us makes. It is the same with your mind
the past few years we have dramatically increased our understanding
about the mind and the way it works. Ancient Greeks began exploring
the world of the mind and behaviour, but it’s only recently, with
the birth of psychology that we have begun to really take note of its
importance. We now know that there are several elements to the mind
including the conscious, the subconscious and the ego. We also know
that we have power over it and with discoveries such as NLP
(Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and mindfulness we are realising more
and more, the importance of being aware of what goes on in there and
being able to influence it. We must not neglect this as we travel
through adulthood. Just as we must not neglect our bodies, we must
not neglect our minds. We need to constantly be feeding it new
information, learning and discovering new things. This could be
anything from learning a new skill, reading and gaining knowledge to
having a conversation with someone and being open enough to learn
from it. We need to become more aware of how important and powerful
our minds are and how much power we have over them.
is especially important today as we move through a period of mental
health crisis. More and more of us are suffering from anxiety,
depression and stress and we need to know and understand why
that it is changeable
and that we don’t have to suffer with it. But it’s not just a
simple case of taking a pill or
having a few sessions with a therapist to
like with the body, a few protein shakes and personal training
sessions isn’t going to create a quick, dramatic change. For real
results it needs to be a complete lifestyle change. The
mind is a complex thing and it is
linked to your emotions, so in order to grow, just like the body, you
need to put the work in. Just
as we have a choice on how we want our body to be, we have a choice
of how we want our mind to be. What goes on in there is up to you,
how you shape it with attention and dedication is a choice you make
everyday. Just like the body where
have to watch each day what you are putting in it and what you are
creating out of it, so it is with the mind. Each day you must be
aware of what you are putting inside it in the form of thought and
what you are creating out of it in the form of speech. Just like the
body, it takes hard work and dedication, but
the results are well worth it.
soul is much less commonly talked about, and arguably the most
neglected yet important part of us. There are many who still deny the
existence of the soul, although science is slowly waking up to this.
The existence and importance of the soul or spirit has been accepted
for millennia in many different cultures around the world. In order
to change and grow effectively we must grow in all three aspects,
body, mind and soul. To grow the soul is principally being open with
your heart. It’s learning how to be honest and vulnerable, with
yourself and others. It’s learning how to be compassionate and
empathetic, kind and caring, being gentle yet strong. It’s learning
how to forgive, and ultimately learning how to love. These are things
we all need to be continually learning and growing in our capacities.
This is arguably the most important growth of all. Learning how to
love, ourselves and others, unconditionally is perhaps the greatest
challenge we face. But one that is of up-most importance.
and most importantly growing, in these three areas is a life’s work
each of us.
a collective, so
far we have done most work on growing the body, with diet and
exercise being widely accepted as important. We are now moving into a
period where we
are taking a closer look at
the mental side, and are slowly becoming aware of its importance;
we still have very far to go. Growth of the soul
has the least focus on it at
the moment, although this is slowly changing with yoga and meditation
becoming more widely known which
can help us get in touch with our inner self.
your personal growth you
may decide to focus on one area in particular at one period of time
then switch and focus on a different one, or you may wish to focus on
two or all three at the same time, changing and growing in each area
bit by bit. It doesn’t matter as long as we are growing, however
slowly. The importance is to be aware of the need to grow and the
dedication to do so.
Each of us is on our own unique path and will have different things we need to work on. As long as we are working on them we are moving forward, bettering ourselves, and that is all we can do. Be proud of the growth you have made and acknowledge it when you see it. Just like we must encourage our children to change and grow we must do so for ourselves, and give ourselves the praise we deserve when we do. We are human, all flawed and all special, each in different ways. We must support each other and ourselves in our growth, forgive when we slip up and acknowledge when we make progress. We are in this together, as individuals and as a collective. If we are all working on ourselves to grow in body, mind and soul then we can all grow as a species, and the only way to go, is up!
you encouragement and
your growth, wherever you are.
Your thoughts may just be the most powerful thing on the planet. They say that our thoughts create our reality. Let’s think about that for a moment. Reality is defined as the state or quality of being real. Real is defined as having an objective, independent existence.
Let’s take a look at the things that exist in our collective world. Trees, plants, rocks, animals; we can all agree that these exist independently of us. Should humanity disappear, these shall all continue to exist, as they did before us. But what about things such as cars, trains, aeroplanes, tables, chairs, roads, cities, electricity, the internet. Without humans none of these and so much more would not exist. We have brought them into reality. And how did we do this? By thought. Everything man-made started out as an idea, imaginary inside someone’s head. Some were even called crazy if they dared speak out about these ideas before they had been realised. How many people have been called crazy for their ideas? And how many ignored this and continued regardless to create many of the incredible things we see today, that exist in our reality. Look around you and see how many things man has created, simply using the power of thought.
So our thoughts literally create the world that we see around us. Let’s take a moment to realise how incredibly powerful this is, how incredibly powerful we, as a collective species are, and you as an individual. Your imagination is one of the most powerful things you possess. Whether you express it through writing, speech, art, movement, creation or simply leave it in your head for personal use, we must remember that we all have it at our disposal and it can be used to help us or to hinder us.
If our thoughts and imagination create the world around us, how do they affect our every day life? The answer is; a lot! Inside our heads is where most of us live. That is our reality, it exists inside us. So effectively, whatever is going on inside your head is your world. Each of us live in a different world. Some things that exist to some do not exist to another. Let’s take an example such as beauty. Beauty is objective and dependant on the individual objectifying it; where one may see beauty another may see mundaneness, art is a very good example of this. In one person’s reality beauty exists, in another’s it does not. The same thing can be said for many things.
daily interactions with other people are largely affected by what is
going on in our heads. If most of us are living inside our heads,
never fully present in the moment to truly see or hear what is going
on, but constantly bringing our attention to what our thoughts are
telling us, we are never really there. We are in a bubble of reality
of our own making, and react and behave accordingly. We take in the
information of the external world, but then we bring this information
into our heads and process it according to our internal state of
reality is based on our perceptions. We each perceive the world a
certain way; often based on past experiences, beliefs and bias’. So
while some live in a world of beauty, for others only ugliness
exists. For some the reality of their life is ease, happiness, peace
and love, for others it’s fear, disappointment, anger and
Herein lies the power of thought. We have the power to control our thoughts. We can become aware of what is going on in our inner reality and we can take control of it. We have the ability to choose how we see the world and the reality of life around us, as we have the ability to shift our perceptions; herein lies your power. It is not an easy task; to shift your perceptions and the way you choose to see things, but it is definitely worth the work. To live in a world of beauty rather than a world of ugliness is definitely worth the effort. Only you can do this, as no one else has the power to get inside your head and change your thoughts. You may seek help externally for this, but ultimately only you have the power to implement the change.
how do we go about changing our perceptions and thus our reality?
there must be an awareness
of thought, of the way you are perceiving the information you are
taking in. How are you responding to it? In a negative way or a
positive way? Are you thinking kind thoughts of yourself and others
or are you thinking harsh, judgmental ones? Only you can see what is
going on inside. What we think and say about ourself and others in
our own heads filters out to affect our emotions and feelings towards
ourself and others.
there is the will
change these thoughts. It
being constantly aware when they arise, catching them and choosing
either to ignore them or change them. It often involves putting the
ego aside. This takes perseverance and strength.
Third is the determination to keep going. It is hard work being constantly aware of your thoughts and making the conscious decision whether to believe them or not; whether to act upon them or to try to change them by shifting your perspective of external events and information. To try seeing things another way.
But once you begin down this path you will realise the power you have in the way you see the world, and subsequently the power over your own reality. You are not at the mercy of your thoughts, YOU are the force behind them. It is YOU who holds this power, YOU who has the ability to control not only your thoughts but subsequently your feelings and emotions. The power of the mind is an incredible thing. We all have this power, we just need to learn how to use it. It will not be easy, it will be hard work, watching your thoughts, catching those that make you feel negatively and changing them into thoughts that make you feel good, or at least better. It will take time, but the reward you will get at the end is to live in a world not of ugliness and disappointment, but a world of beauty and love. This choice is up to you, for only you hold the power to make the change.
you courage, strength and love, wherever you are.
This is my first blog entry and I am a little nervous. For a while now I have felt the urge to write; something inside of me needs to come out! But then thoughts started swirling round in my mind. ‘Write, you? You were never any good at English at school. What do you know about writing? Who is going to want to hear what you’ve got say? You have no qualifications in this field. Who do you think you are? Just write it in a diary and keep it to yourself! ’ And so on and so forth, up rose the stream of self doubt and insecurities. I am sure many people feel a similar sense of foreboding when they decide to put themselves out there, even if it’s just in conversation. It’s scary when you think that people will be seeing a part of you, hearing your opinion, watching you or looking at what you have created, ready to judge and give their two pennies worth! It’s especially scary if you put something out there that’s personal. It means that people will get to see a bit of the real you, not the you that knows how to behave in public and say the right things in social circles. But the deep, authentic you; the you that not many, if any, get to see. It’s scary because underneath it all, we are afraid. Afraid of being judged or criticised by others for being who we are and perhaps even of being ostracised. It is a real fear for so many of us, and unfortunately an all too common occurrence.
This first blog is dedicated to an incredibly brave friend of mine who recently did just that. She opened herself up and told her most personal, intimate story to a room full of strangers. She is someone who is incredibly caring and is dedicated to helping others. She has been to the edge herself but hasn’t fully opened up to many people about this very difficult time of her life, so it was a tremendously brave step for her to take. So the first topic I am going to talk about is vulnerability and putting yourself out there.
For those of you who haven’t yet watched the Brené Brown talk on vulnerability on Netflix, get watching! It’s a great one. Vulnerability is a hot topic at the moment in self-growth circles and for good reason. We are now reaching a time where it seems like the world is spinning out of control. With Trump, Brexit and Climate Change it can be difficult to see light at the end of the tunnel! Not to mention all the daily pressures we face simply trying to hold down a likely stressful job, perhaps a family, pay the bills, keep fit, eat properly and maintain a social life! We have a lot going on in our world today and seem to be juggling to keep it all going. It’s exhausting. That’s where learning how to be vulnerable can help.
It can lift some of that pressure and make you feel just a little lighter. It may seem to some that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness, but as many of us now realise it is in fact a sign of great strength. We are all going through our own stuff, whatever that may be. Most of us, more or less, are having a tough time with something, if nothing else but for the state of our poor planet! But there are so many of us out there who are dealing with hard core issues, such as childhood traumas they still hold inside, subsequently affecting their choices and actions still today, relationship or family issues that can cut deeply or external circumstances that they are struggling to cope with.
Life can be tough, so cut yourself some slack and cut others some slack. It’s OK. It’s OK that you’re not OK. It’s OK that you find things hard or stressful, that you’re feeling anxious or depressed. I can assure you, you are not the only one. Hiding it away inside yourself will not make it go away and will not fix it. It will simply fester inside and eat away at you. Let yourself be heard, let yourself be brave and speak your truth. Find someone you trust and let it all out. Even if you feel you are alone in the world, there is someone out there willing to listen, to help. They may not be a friend or a member of your family; they may be a social worker, nurse, therapist, colleague or a complete stranger. But know that someone is there ready and willing to listen with empathy and compassion.
We just need to take our eyes off the floor and look around; the world is filled with beautiful people who are all too eager to help others. Don’t get bogged down in the fear talk of the media and become afraid of people. It’s true some people may judge you, some may criticize and even say mean things. But just as likely is that others will see the strength it took for you to say or do what you did; they will recognise the pain you held inside and the suffering you have experienced and they will want to help.
Look at the people who surround you, perhaps they have taken this brave step first. There are people who can inspire us to do things we may not want to do or are too afraid of. Things like taking a leap of faith, finding the courage to do what we have been putting off, encouraging us to do the right thing, or being true to ourselves. These people are pure gold and are in your life for a reason. Listen and observe them and we can each help lead each other forwards.
Try not to worry about being judged or criticised as this will only hold you back, keeping you inside yourself like an animal in a cave too afraid to venture out in fear of the unknown world. Yes there are dangers but there is also so much beauty. You will likely feel freer afterwards, powerful and brave that you put yourself out there, warts and all! Be proud that you did, because it shows a tremendous amount of courage to open yourself up and be real. Take that risk, for noone ever succeeded by being shy and holding back. And try not to judge others who do show that courage, for we have no idea how hard it is for some people and what internal battles they are fighting. Now, more than ever, is the time we need to come together, open up and support each other. The world needs it. Be real, be vulnerable, be you.
you my love and support, wherever